Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My ass is underappreciated
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
