dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
