The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
