also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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