worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
