capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
