I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
