I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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