dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
