Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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