i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize