do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
