Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
