i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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