i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
