no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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