I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i died would you start the facebook group?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
