My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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