Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
