can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
