I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
