I think my fart just growled at me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
