She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
