my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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