Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
