all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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