the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
