Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
