He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
should my penis look like a turkey
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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