I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Damn victory sex feels great
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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