i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
