my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
