i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize