you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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