if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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