No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
