He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
