I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize