I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
