we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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