Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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