just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
