Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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