I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I cut my penus on the lid.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
