I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
