I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
