3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
