Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
