alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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