When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
