so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
