I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
