My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
