after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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