and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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