what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
