i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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