Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
