"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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