Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
