so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
