Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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