I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
