apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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