I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
